Cockasian

http://www.livescience.com/culture/091110-happy-states.html

OMG can't believe Utah is the happiest state.

Ah humans are so rude. We want to control everything. It's like okay you are a dog, come here, you are mine, and be my fucking dog not anyone else's. We want to control everything surrounds us even shit that we shouldn't ever want to control such as weather, natural disasters, animals genes, etc. It's such bullshit. We own too much already. I wish we would just let loose ya know what i meannn?

I recently realized (maybe not recently) that I can't stand conservative people that don't accept changes. We had a mid review for our project last Friday. I had a blast. I think it was very meaningful and inspiring. But apparently people in my studio were upset from getting negative feedback. They think the critics were wrong and contradicting themselves, they think their projects are so fucking amazing that people should always say good shit about them. I got so annoyed by all these fucking conservative Mormons that I just had to bounce. Wish they would step out of their fucking circle and accept people's suggestions. God damn it. They make me so mad.

Omg I hate Halloween! Harroween! Helloweiner! Um.

Halloween is officially the worst holiday. What's the point of going to a party when you can't even recognize your friends? What's the point of hanging out if you are getting scared by people's faces constantly? Also Halloween means watching people/kids eating uncontrollably too much sweets. It kinda scares me.

I wanna figure out why I'm so socially awkward these days. Is it because I have a boyfriend? Is it because I don't have a social life? Is it because I'm constantly thinking about school work like a nerd does? Is it because I'm getting old and can't communicate with people well anymore? But old people always have SO much to say though!? What's happening to me?

Too tired. Too little motivations. Too much food. Life is wonderful.

Sometimes I wish I could be mentally girly. Eh, okay, maybe not. But I'm amazed by how girly people can get. It's like a total different zone that I can never get into. It's like they can choose what they want so easily. Choose a football player instead of an art fggt, or a funny dude, or a %^$&%*. Choose a PINNKKK! dress instead of a blue? grey? black? wait how about brown dress. You know? Life would be so easy if you have a system to plug in your issue then BAM, you got an answer.

Fall break has been weird. It's like I forgot how to relax. So I'm constantly nervous and not nervous. I'm constantly thinking about homework but at the same time wondering about weird shit in my head & knowing I have so much time. Ah. I have ADD.

I thought about calling up people to hang out during fall break. But it's kind of hard. I just feel like sitting around and doing things that I haven't been doing. School has made me into such an awkward person. Mainly because people are strange in my class. They are either parents or nerds. Not that I don't like them or anything. I just get nervous that I will offend them somehow. Maybe by like saying how much i hate kids or marriages are bullshit...etc. It's sorta hard to be open with people when you know they will come murder your thoughts right when you open your month.

It's interesting to realize that people have gone through such different experiences and bullshit. Like some people got bitten by tigers, some got ran over by trucks, some got shot in the head, some got sat on by a horse ass...etc. Anyways, people have such different stories to tell! It's like wahhh. What? I go to an architectural school with a bunch of moms and dads and I'm scared of homeless people & wild grandmas!? Wish my life were as wild as some people sometimes. & Glad it isn't most of the time.

I don't like fggts that look like fggts, emo kids that look real emo, Mormons with too many kids. Sometimes I wish people would be more creative and jump out of their own little box. What am I saying? I'm not so sure. But I know I'm getting kind of dizzy from hanging out with too many Mormons. Feel like I'm being judged and criticized. And I'm constantly judging and criticizing. I don't like it. Wanna go back to my Buddha state and relax.

School has been really busy. Life has been pretty intense. Feels like there is lots of knowledge flying in the air that I'm too tired/burnt out/lazy to catch. Uh oh. What to do? I want to be more positive. I wanna be able to say good things about people I'm around with. But it's kind of hard right now. I think I can say good things about 40% of people I'm around with. Hopefully the percentage will shoot up to 495893145983175 whatever. If you got what I mean.

Blog? No blog? I can't decide.

So, I guess I'm writing a blog entry to decide?

Life has been pretty weird ever since I came back to Salt Lake. I have been feeling pretty anti-social（normal?). I have decided to cut down the partying life for a while & cut off the party friendships. But what does that leave me? Mormon friends? Nerdz? Who knowz. Dunno if I should give in and hang out with party friends, or insist on searching for normal bffs.

I should work harder on self-control and focus on myself more than others.

Yezzir.

Speaking of nerds. There are so many fucking nerds in my math classes. Like waaaaah. It's kind of cool. I'm starting to enjoy watching nerds laughing at nerdy jokes in class & acting awkward.

<3333 U all.

"Unbeing dead isn't being alive"

So true.

I don't really want to go back to Utah. After staying in Taiwan for a week, I feel so much more positive and calm. I don't feel like I HAVE to go out on weekends in order to be cool or to be a normal human being. I don't have to drink in order to have a normal conversation with people. I don't have to be in parties to meet someone. It's weird. Everyone here is so much happier even though they don't have that much money. Whereas Americans just waste all their money on drugs.

I've been going swimming with my dad at 6 in the morning for the past week. It's great! I feel so alive after going swimming, after waking up so early in the morning. I think I have gained more self-control and I've lost weight. I feel healthy for once.

Other than Andrew, I don't really miss anything or anyone. It sorta bothers me how much people take things for granted in Utah. How much I have to do something for you so you will do something for me. How much I am going to call you because you know where all the parties are. How much music I have to talk about so I can stay in your conversation. Fuck that shit.

Life is so simple here and it's so good.

So ready to leave. People annoy me these days. Everyone just wants to get fucked, get boned, get wasted, get lost, get whatever the fuck they want. And I just don't get it.

Everyone take things for granted. It is so not healthy.

Just want to say TTYN to everyone.

Motherfucking wish I were a rich white girl with blond hair and bangable bod like Paris Hilton.

Jeeeez. Life is so weird sometimes. The weather is so strange sometimes.

I have realized that I can't handle my math class anymore. Sitting in that class is like scratching metal in my brain. It hurts. So for some reason, I decided to pretend I heard oh my god! whenever my professor said "omega." The plan worked out just fine since my professor is a French dude with a funny accent like me. So the whole class period, I just listened to OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG every second, every minute, all the time. It was so much better.

Salt Lake City is so disturbing sometimes, mainly because everyone knows each other. Pretty excited/glad that I will be in Taiwan in one week. Can't really handle Salt Lake in summer. People are too active. Running around everywhere, hooking up everywhere, running into people hooking up everywhere. Gross. Why can't people take sex more seriously? Isn't sleeping with your best friend's ex hookups gross? Dunno what's going on with people here anymore. Just wanna go to Taiwan the virgin land where most of my friends are still virgins.

What else? Last night was gallery stroll. It was kinda boring cuz there wasn't enough good free food.

A bunch of peeps hung out at Ben's house. It was kind of boring. People just talked and talked and talked about shit that doesn't even matter, about like two straight men kissing each other and whatever bullshit. They talked about that shit for over 20 minutes then I was like mang I gotta run away from this crew. Then Amelia Kylee and Catherine started doing three way kissing right after Kylee said straight girls kiss each other only to attentions. I was like and yeah, you just made your point sis!

But then Scott Whittaker popped out from nowhere, and he was sew funny! Just wanna put him into a tv and watch him like a reality tv show all day. Haha.

Andrew and I finished Paris Hilton's My New BFF Season 1. Now I don't know what to watch online anymore. MISS U PARIS!

OMG. Rain rain rain. It feels like typhoons in Taiwan except I can't do anything when it's raining in Utah because no one is used to the rain, so everyone is hiding in his/her shell. What a wordy sentence!

Friday was a good day. Full of free food, free spirits and free love. Got the Friday bagel deal again and went to McDonald and got the free ice latte deal. I love you coupons.

Yesterday I found out that Ben's new motorcycle bff is my writing class friend. It was bizarre. Another proof that Utah is the smallest place on earth. Ben disappeared and left his new bff outside standing like a stranger so I started talking to him. We talked about some random shit like golfing, Islam, work study job, engineering bullshit...etc. It's funny because I feel like we are kind of like the same person. Both really awkward, tried to study engineering but ended up studying architecture...etc. Strange.

I am pretty sketched out about stealing these days. Summer is not really a good time to steal! Can't hide anything under my coat anymore. I need to figure out a better way soon.

"道別說太多次不是顯得很愚蠢嗎"-Fish Roll.

She is sew smart!

Haha.

I hate the weather! It feels like winter. I'm so emo during winter! I'm so emo right now.
Good thing this video cheered me up.

OMG. Shows on A&E are so disturbing sometimes. Today I watched the show Obsessed that talks about people with OCD. This chick has some kind of weird fear for shit, so she gotta use a tooth brush to wash inside of her asshole every time she shits. And she brushes until her asshole bleeds.

What a fucking weird thing. OCD is so weird/scary.

Mang. I'm like half done with this semester already. It feels like a dream! I haven't even got into what the hell is going on in my classes yet.

Rainy days = emo days.

It's kind of bad.

I think Garrett ate my lunch today. It kind of made me angry.

But I can't be angry because I am trying to be a more genuine person...

Ahhhhhhh.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I'm obsessed with igoogle mini-games.

Haha. Myspace girls are so funny. Myspace comments are so funny. It's so obvious that straight boys with dicks just wanna go get their dicks wet by commenting easy target myspace girls. But myspace girls don't know it! They get excited when they get comments like "~oOOOo--DaAAyYuUm~ ~ABSOLUTLY-STUNNING~ ;]" or something that doesn't even have anything to do with those myspace girls like "Wow. so this is what a girl's room looks like...VERY NICE!!" It's pretty badass. Kinda wanna open a fake account and just comment myspace girlz all day.

Recently, I have been feeling like I gotta change, I gotta grow up! I gotta stop being a shit talker. I gotta become a better person. Gotta deal with:
1. Control issue
2. Jealousy issue
3. Dirty mouth issue
4. Shit talk issue
5. Judgmental issue

I've decided to try not to talk so much shit by just being quiet instead or using words like "funny", "interesting" to describe a person or using "Mmmmm" for every sentence I need to respond. Not so sure how long this shit will last. Hopefully a while. Wanna be a more genuine person. Wanna be friendly. Wanna be like Paris Hilton but better.

Let's see what happened this weekend. Went to Blue Ignuna for dinner yesterday. Luv U coupons. Luv U live Mexican music while sitting there and eating like pigs. Then we went to this really awkward snowboarding dudes parties with fake tanned chicks. It was pretty cool. Too bad everyone else was freaking out. I was gonna go there and practice to be a more genuine person. But shit didn't go down like that.

Okay. Gotta blog later. Too tired to stay awake. ZzzzZzZZzzzZzzz.

Weird. Horoscope is freakyyyy.

You could be so busy taking care of your responsibilities (what else is new) that you don't have much time to play this month. The Sun is in your 10th House of Career until June 20, and your ruling planet Mercury enters this dutiful part of your chart on June 13 to scatter your attention among a wide variety of tasks.

There is some good news coming from astrology's lovers, though, Venus and Mars. Mars, the macho and passionate one, entered sister earth sign Taurus and your 9th House of Faraway Places at the end of May. Alluring Venus follows suit on June 6, pointing towards foreign people and cultures as possible sources of emotional inspiration. This house is also associated with higher education and travel, increasing your chances of making a connection in a classroom, at a seminar or when you hit the road. Even if none of these happen, the message is that you need to expand your boundaries to invite more love into your life. Taurus is a cozy sign and one that goes well with yours. This means that you can find more comfort than you'd expect when in unfamiliar circumstances. No, you might not be able to control the situation (or yourself) as much as you'd like. But these are really meant to be pressure-free opportunities to chill in settings that are new and different. Being able to tolerate and appreciate individuals with backgrounds and values unlike yours could prove to be surprisingly stimulating this month.


For the Week of Jun 1st, 2009 -- Entertaining at your place could be the best way to kindle romance this weekend. The Moon is in your 4th House of Home and Family on Saturday and Sunday, making this the hotspot for social activity. Try to be careful in the words you use, though, since a casual comment may be misunderstood and provoke an explosive reaction.



You have high hopes about the performance of a close friend or family member, but there's no guarantee that any one person will deliver exactly what you want. The sooner you realize this, the easier it is for you to find happiness. But it's still difficult for you to let go of your inflated expectations. Since others are already involved, it's smarter to rein in your desires to protect yourself from being disappointed.

Haha! I just watched Paris Hilton's My New BFF Season 2. It is sew funny! People were acting like her slaves. Kissing her ass so they could be famous too. What a bunch of funny peeps!

Tv is so bad for kids. Today Andrew and I watched a bunch of MTV top music video bullshit. All the videos were like soooo negative! Pink was killing a dude, kidnapping him in her music video. Some other weird band was showing a stalker stalking a young country girl. What the hell!?? I'd never let my kids watch tv if i had kids. TV is just too smart and too dumb for kids. It can teach kids the new/trendy ways to kill their parents and teach them to be dumb so they can't take any pressure and end up killing their parents. Good thing when I was a kid, I only watched dirty softcore porn on wrestling channel.

We also got so much free food today. Went to Einstein's bagel and got free bagel friday deal, went to the art show and got free RICO food, went to the Birthquake show and got free vegan soup and beerz. Oh what a fucking life. I decided that I will only go to parties when there is free food involved.

Kinda missed hanging out with people these days. People are so funny. But I just wanna sit there and observe them like watching reality tv shows. && Don't really want to talk to them about life anymore.

It is called growing up!!

Just kidding. It's probably called becoming anti-social/loser. I should go do some medical studies and get some free money in my bank.

OMG. Funniest interview in my life!

Ah wordy peeps.

Today a forty something years old douche bag bro was on the bus talking about Australian football for 20 minutes. I wanted to go shake his head and tell him the shit he was talking about doesn't fucking matter! and wanted to tell him to plz not talk on the bus. Wordy people on the bus are the wordiest people, because there is no way for you to escape from their words. The 40 something years old douche bag bro kept talking about the same shit over and over too. It was gnarly. He was like "MAN, you gotta watch Australian football, like that shit is so crazy mang. I meant it is so different. The field is like this big, and it is like a circle instead of a square, and mang, you gotta watch it. The championship....and the Australian football mang! YOU GOTTA WATCH IT! it is some crazy shit right there." Dunno how many times he said to watch Australian football. Don't want to know really. He words were like bees flying around my body/ears. BUZZZZZZZ. So bad. Wanted to kill someone.

Andrew, Ben and I went to the Smith's on 9th today. We went there because the power was out in that area. We went there and 5 minutes later, the Smith's was completely in black. Andrew and I were like HOOOORRRRRFUCKINGRAYYYY!! No camera! Hurryzzz. But then we got too nervous, so we ran away instead.

So crazy. Things are so crazy. People are so crazy without technology. Feels like people can't survive without technology. At least I know I can't.

Oh, I got into the Architecture program at the U. What a funny thing. I guess I can't pussy out and change my major again. Let's just see how it goes.

Fat, obnoxious people are so scary/rude/annoying. Went to watch Observe and Report today. A fattie couple walked in with XL popcorn XL soda with their XL selves, giggling, saying "OMG OOMG!" to each other because they were so easily annoyed with each other. Then the preview started, they laughed at every single one, ate their popcorn so loudly/wildly, making comments about the previews. They then LOL-ed throughout the whole movie. Actually, they didn't just LOL. The fattie gf was laughing with the piggy noise. Oink oink oink. I was laughing sew hard, even though the movie was pretty boring. Anyways, they cuddled during the movie, and it made me feel weird. It was like ahhh cute, but ahhh he IS the one that is laying on her shoulders! It was like a baby boy with a lovely mother cuddle. Sorta awkward, I'd say. Anyways, the movie ended, and they slowly walked to the ice cream place across the street.

You know what that meanzzz.

Blah. Movies bore me these days. Observe and Report was pretty damn boring. Wanna fall asleep but kinda just kept waiting and thought something funny might happen. Nothing hilarious happened though. Sad.

I have ADD. Srsly. I need help. I've realized I can't sit straight for over 30 seconds. Maybe I just have some badass back problems. Probably just have ADD though. Anyways, should probably go to bed. :// H8 school already! H8 school during summer! I just wanna BBQ hot dogs all day instead. ://

Haha! Funniest thing happened in shower today. I almost laughed to cry. Probably shouldn't talk about it though.

I can't really stand art people anymore. My god. They are SOOOO wordy! My professor can never be quiet. Everyone else is also really wordy. Saying all these fancy artsy terms to show how artsy/intelligent they are. Ah. Whereas I just want to watch tv and eat all day and never talk to anyone.

Maybe I'm just white trash/dumb.

Intervention is so intense these days. It makes me wonder if any random person walks by me is fucked up, if he/she shoots heroine after class, if..etc etc. Seems like people have so many random issues that are totally...random.

I think most people are just too bored with life so they just kind of start shit to ruin their life. And sometimes they blame it on their childhood, their best friends, their parents, their dog, whatever. They never blame it on themselves though. They never say "oh well, I'm fucked up because I am a weak person, because I can't take any pressure, because I need help."

Blah. So wordy. People are so wordy. I'm glad i don't talk sometimes. Even though other time I feel like a loser for never talking to people.

Okay. Got my passport today. Leaving in exactly 4 weeks. Weird!!